2011

i have totally forgotten about this blog until Ed reminded me to write out my feelings whenever too many things appear on my mind.

scrolling the past entries esp re LZB made me realize I have been airlifted from Somalia back then and transported to the new world. but even now, i am also questioning my existence in the new world.

it ain’t as bad but it ain’t rosy either.

i can’t believe LZB said i do not have EQ back then. I think she is the one who lacks it. No wonder so many people do not like her. She’s such a political bitch and i hope she will burn in hell. i hope she gets some uncurable disease and just rot to death.

god forgive me for saying such things. but i do not want to mince my words. it just shows how much i hate and fear her at the same time.

Nice quote

Today’s the day my life begins. All my life I’ve been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I’ll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one can’t wait.

something different for once

The year 2010 saw me:

1. Quitting my stupid corporate banking job
2. Jumping into the unknown with Recruitment Consultancy, with zilch experience. But perhaps my saving grace is my contacts.
3. Falling in love with the unexpected best friend of the year in 2009
4. Hoping that I will end up with him happily ever after … I really do not want to eat my words.

i wish for the strength to shine (again)

What do you do when you find out that your big lady boss really does not like you? I remember hesitating if i should add her on FB last November when I was in HCM. And I plucked up the courage to add her. Well, she didn’t add till this day and I saw that she added all my other colleagues’ FB recently this year. So it says something right. Whatever lar. And what’s with the atrocious appraisal i had this February. I can’t bring myself to tell others how my lady Boss does not want to add me to FB, what a joke.

I try not to let it affect me. I try to put on a smile at work. I try to speak softly while over the phone. Basically, I feel I am not being me at the workplace. And I secretly hate and dread her. What’s with the monthly team activity bonding? As it is, I see them 5 days a week and they still want me to sacrifice my weekend to go Penang/KL with them? Or even rollerblade with them on a Saturday morning? That’s crazy but I suppose we all have to obey her simply cos she’s a divorcee with 3 grown up kids and she has prolly no one by her side. I am mean, but this is how I really feel inside.

But its ok… perhaps come December, I can seek an internal transfer. I am living day by the day at the workplace, dragging my feet to work. A headhunter called me on my office phone yesterday. But because he called me at the most inconvenient time (ie all my bosses were around), I told him to call me when I knock off. The call never came though. I guess he had to go home early as well.

And I am not speaking to Pipsqueak at this moment. It is better for us this way. I am not terribly upset, just that I feel that it is no point wasting each other’s time and effort if we are not going to end up together eventually. I just feel that we have too much differences and not much common ground. And somehow, I am not satisfied with whatever he does. And you can’t exactly ask me to lower my standards, just cos of that. I think I am a relatively simple person to please, but yet he just can’t match up to that.

I am sick and tired of this life, this world, that sometimes, I really feel like killing myself. ANd stop feeling the emotional pain and misery within. I want to go back to my schooldays, where I was at my happiest.

I wish for the strength to shine again. To hell with bad bitchy bosses and boyfriends. I shall not let them affect me.

Easter Sunday

Dear God,

Thank you for giving us, Jesus, your son that you loved so much.

You sent your beloved Son into this treacherous world of ours, but yet, he has touched the hearts of many as he was growing up. He has performed miracles, healed the sick and comforted the lonely. But yet, he chose to die for us on the Cross in the end. He was not forced to die for us, yet he chose to die for our sins even though He didn’t deserve to. By dying for our sins, we will be one with you again, O God. Jesus is the bridge, linking us to you (if I do go to heaven in the end, that is).

As I ponder on this Easter Virgil, I am looking forward to Jesus’ resurrection and how by dying, He has conquered sin and death. Thus, I should not fear whatever that awaits me on this earth, for I know that Jesus has already conquered all there is. Moreover, He is up there watching us together with our guardian angels and Mother Mary.

Let me wait in anticipation. Let me visualise what it is like standing outside Jesus’ tomb. It will be nice to see a resplendent (is that the term?) man clothed in white and basically, majestic-looking. Dear God, I long to have that vision. To be able to have you look into the depths of my soul and reside within me.

I am scared and feel worthless most of the time, but Lord, by dying for me, I know that you do love me. Do show me a way. Thank you for dying on my sins. You are seated by the Father right now, watching over us. Please have mercy on us, worthless sinners. Let me bear my crosses in life, just like how Jesus gladly bore his as He carried everyone’s crosses on his back to Calgary.

I also pray for Pipsqueak’s conversion. I pray that he will come to get to know you and how you have died for his sins. Amen.

Love,
Me

List of Places to Shop in Bangkok

Platinum Mall

A. Bags, Accessories
1. Gusto (cosmetic bags, phone pouches)
222/1310
5th Floor

2. Bag-kok (interesting laptop bags)
3 Floor, Room 895
Nathan 10

B. Clothing
1. Ololo Tini (avant-garde clothing)
2 Floor, Room 541
Oxford 3
www.olologroup.com

2. Pretty Girl (nice work clothes!)
1 Floor, Room 224
Soho 9

2 Floor, Room 457B
Oxford 6

3 Floor, Room 879
Nathan 10

3. Risaya (tailored retro dress!)
4 Floor, Room 1079
Camden 13

4. Miss Dollar (nice work clothes)
2 Floor, Room 531a
Oxford 7

5. Peet & Ploy Shop (swimwear)
2 Floor, Room 401
Oxford 5

Chatuchak Market

A. Accessories
1. KK3 Maipeang (wooden bangles)
Section 14
Soi 22/6

2. Anyadharu (fragrance)
Section 3
Soi 3

Isetan 4th Floor
Central World

B. Clothing
1. Mesa (nice beach dresses)
Section 24
Soi 34/5

2. Paa-wan (cocktail dresses)
Section 20
Soi 27/1

3. Original Fish (comfy and nice singlets)
Section 18
Soi 4

FOOD!
1. Laung Pha Pad Thai
315/1 Mahachai Road
Samranwat
Pranakhon
BKK 10200

thats it?

INTRODUCTION

The Dewey Color System® is the world’s first and only validated, color-based personality career testing instrument. Based on our experience and your interests, your best suited occupations are listed below.

BEST OCCUPATIONAL CATEGORY
You’re a CREATOR
Key Words:
Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2ND BEST OCCUPATIONAL CATEGORY
You’re a PERSUADER
Key Words:
Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive
These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

A Revelation

I was so upset today. Come to think of it, perhaps it was the over-sensitive bit of me.

But it is ok. I will survive and have the last laugh in the workplace.

Meeting Aunt HY always makes me laugh and think. She is the person to go to when I am facing problems at the workplace, as she gives me concrete solutions and actually listens to what I have to say.

After hearing what I said, she said either confront the Boss about what she wrote in my appraisal form, or, go to work happy and let everyone know that and when the time comes, I will quit and then shock them.

I prefer the latter option.

She also taught me how to bite back at the boss using her own words. I am actually laughing thinking about it.

“Huh, you want it now? I thought the deadline is tomorrow? I scared if I rush, then make more mistakes, then boss says I hyper again. Ok lar, I hyper k?”

That is the best thing to come out of it. Amen.

tamade

I just had my appraisal today. It sucked and it just serves to prove that my feelings about my Boss are right all along — she clearly does not like me. Sometimes I really miss Kathy, who is direct and well, she tends to forget your faults after awhile.

So I sat in the meeting room today with Dom and her. She asked how I thought my progress was.

I thought I gave a very PR answer by saying that I think my progress is slower than I would like and yet, there is nothing much I can do about it due to external factors.

So she asked how can I improve on it. So I said unless I know the root cause, then I can improve on it right.

So she started listing. I agree with some of them, such as:

1. I am very kancheong (I thought I have toned down a bit and am more laidback these days).

2. I have to pause and think before submitting my paper, instead of rushing through it without not thinking much (this I totally agree).

However, there is one statement which I partially do not agree with, and that is:

I am blunt and have NO EQ. 

What the hell. I know I am blunt and direct (and I do know people who appreciate me for that), but to say I have no EQ? Even my boyfriend thinks my best asset is EQ! But well, since she thinks so, the only reason/consolation I can come up with is that I do not get along with her and possess no chemistry whatsoever with her.

Thats why when Beebs and Juicy told me last Friday that it is very important to toot my horn and profile myself more often, I was hesitant. That’s cos I know you should toot your horn at people who like you, not people who are intimidated of the way you look (ie my eyes). I am so irritated at that btw.

But yes, later on I said, I am really blunt ar?

Then she gave a resounding YEAH. but later on she softened her tone abit and said its the way I speak over the phone etc. I can accept the fact that maybe I do not sound professional enough over the phone, but hello, these are car dealers that I am talking to! Nonetheless, I felt she was rather patronising. She gave me 3/3, and thats mostly my effort! *guffaws*

What the hell. Now I really appreciate bosses like Kathy and JLo.

a new perspective on suffering

as i am typing out this post, i am listening to charlotte church’s all love can be. its so surreal and moving, that i feel i am one with the world afterall.

today, i read how many people are now flocking to churches, temples and mosques in times of distress. and some pastors “tailor” their sermons on how to cope with the financial crisis to match the mood.

not that i have anything against it, afterall religions are meant to guide us and we do have the freedom to choose what is applicable and relevant to us.

for me, i chose the catholic faith because i feel most at home with it. its almost as if there is so much for me to learn about it and i am proud to be one. and He spoke to me through my local parish priest on how i should deal with my emotional crisis. the pointers are below:

1. Suffering is inevitable and appears in all shapes, forms and sizes thus there is no escaping from it.

2. When one encounters suffering, they should carry the cross and not JUST bear the cross for this will paralyse you. Thus, move on with your life.

3.  If ever you find yourself not being able to get out of a rut, remember that is important not to dwell on the reasons WHY you are in a rut, but rather, try to find out the meaning of it and learn from it.

The best lesson that I took away from today’s homily is that God will always lead me according to his plans. That I need not fear what lies ahead for He will ensnare and slay all my demons and enemies. I must say at most times, I would always fall asleep at this priest’s homilies cos he has an accent that is hard to decipher, but somehow what he said today pricked my ears and had my full attention.

I am glad that God spoke to me today.